fqa

Frequently Questioned Answers. The questions change; the answers shrug and continue wiring serial cables.

Q: Why no CMS?

A: Because cat and rsync already ship with the OS, and they don’t email telemetry to strangers.

Q: How do I contribute?

A: Send patches over email. If your diff requires a Zoom call, the patch is rejected on arrival.

Q: Where is the password reset link?

A: In the drawer with the PS/2 adapters. Bring a label maker.

Q: Do you support dark mode?

A: Yes. Turn the lights off. Terminal phosphor handles the rest.

Q: Is there an API?

A: It’s called ssh. Expect a prompt. Type commands. Marvel at the throughput.

Q: What’s the SLA?

A: 99.999% opportunity to read the logs yourself.

Q: Why the ThinkPads?

A: Keyboard feels like a Model M without waking the neighbors. Also the hinges outlive management mandates.

Q: Can this run in the cloud?

A: Only if you can hear the fans from your desk. Otherwise it’s just someone else’s pager.

Q: Where are the metrics?

A: On the front panel LEDs. Blink rate documented in doc/blinkenlights.txt.

Q: Do you have a roadmap?

A: Yes. It’s drawn on continuous-form paper and taped to the wall. Updates require fresh toner.

Q: When’s the next release?

A: As soon as the moon hits full and the backup tapes hum in chorus. Or when the diff queue empties, whichever happens first.

hostile appendix

Q: Where’s the user guide password again?

A: Inside the user guide. Page 0. Bring strings(1) if you want a hint.

Q: Do you publish security advisories?

A: Yes. Severity: YES. Patch: MAYBE. Workaround: UNPLUG IT. You’re welcome.

Q: Which hardware is supported?

A: ThinkPad X200, maybe. Plus anything that survived 2007 without firmware updates.

Q: The download mirror timed out.

A: Correct response: ftp 127.0.0.1. If that fails, stare at the quantum mirror until it coheres.

Q: Why is the changelog just “yes.”?

A: Because “no” was taken by the build system.

api reference??

Q: system_enable(feature) — what does it return?

A: See section 7.3.

Q: What’s section 7.3?

A: Another question: why didn’t you read the About page footer?

Q: mirror_select() parameters?

A: (user_patience, rng.Seed(incident)). Explanation in manual chapter 4. Or 1. Or 7.3.

Q: Why does the API reference live in the FAQ?

A: Because the docs page is empty. Have you tried the Download page? Bring snacks.